Resurrection Power

Tonight, I'll have an opportunity to hammer a nail into the cross on the front lawn of my church.  I'll remember vividly all the times I've betrayed Jesus and the role I've played in His suffering.  My spirit will crumble, I'll repent, and I'll wish there had been another way.

But on Sunday, mourning will turn to dancing.  Christians from around the world will rejoice because our brokenness isn't the end of the story.  The cross didn't have the final word.  The victory was and is won.  Hallelujah!

The Easter season, from Ash Wednesday through Lent and into Holy Week, is a special time in the life of the Church.  It's the time when we remember what it is we're all about.  We reflect on our sins and shortcomings, and we recognize the gifts we've been given through Jesus, the forgiveness and hope for life eternal.

Every year, it's the same services, the same traditions, and the same yearning for a deeper understanding of Christ's sacrifice.  But thankfully, this year has been different.

In my church's tradition, we either fast from certain things during Lent or pick up a new spiritual discipline.  Sometimes I participate, sometimes I don't.  Last year, I tried blogging every day, and while I completed 39 posts in 39 days, I spent more time feeling like a failure than I did worshiping Him with my words.

This year, I felt... brave... gutsy... and incredibly desperate.

You see, I have this... habit, this way of thinking that leads me to places I don't like to go.  The world would say I'm justified in feeling and acting this way, but the Bible says it's sin, and I've seen how it impacts my relationship with both God and the people in my life.  I can't begin to count the number of times I've tried willing myself out of this stronghold, but if you've ever tried that yourself, you know it doesn't work.  We don't have it in us to defeat Satan on our own.  That's why we needed the cross, and why we still need Jesus.  Every single day, we need Him.

This Ash Wednesday, I was so overcome by this particular sin's power in my life that I knew I needed to look outside of myself for freedom.  And so I decided to do the impossible and attempt to fast from it during the 40 days of Lent.  I set prayer reminders on my phone so that I'd remember to seek God's help before the temptation hit.  I memorized Scripture that I could recite when my thoughts began to spiral downward.  I did everything I knew to do to get Jesus in my corner.  And you know what?  It worked.  By the amazing and powerful grace of God, it worked.  When I finally stopped hiding and let Him have me- shame and all- it worked.

For 40 days, that trap hasn't grabbed me.  I've gotten too close for comfort a few times, but I haven't been caught.  That's because Easter isn't just about the distant gift of eternal life.  Easter is about the resurrection and the gift of having Jesus now, in the everyday mess of our brokenness.  And with His presence comes power.  Resurrection power.  And that's exactly the kind of power it takes to overcome each and every stronghold we face.

Tightrope Walkin'

I've been ignoring the blog lately, but it's only temporary, I promise!  I wrote a few months ago about my friends/landlords wanting to sell their house, and while they've decided against it, I'm still making plans to move out and begin the foster care licensing process some time soon.  Moves cost money, though, so God and I made a deal... whenever He provides the $___ I need, I'll know it's time to take that step.  It might take six months, or it could take two years.  I'm being diligent about saving, but completely open to His timing.

That being said, when my church approached me last month about stepping into an interim position to help the transition between children's ministers go more smoothly, I jumped at the chance.  Not for a split second did I consider the time I'd need to invest or the weight of the additional responsibility; my only thought was moving money!!!  It seemed like such an answer to prayer that I never thought to ask for confirmation.

While having a second job obviously puts me a little closer to my goal of moving out, it also takes away from my writing time, and I've wrestled with guilt over that decision.  Now, for all I know, God may have planned this season so that I could let my projects simmer and return to them with new eyes and a fresh perspective, but I'll never know because I was too set on doing what "made sense."

This is where it's easy to get tripped up and fall into the enemy's trap.  We pray for provision, and then when opportunities present themselves, we busy ourselves in the name of "God's plan."  But at what cost?  How much of what we do to earn money is in line with what He truly wants for us?  What do we sacrifice in order to chase that paycheck and the dream it fulfills?

The extra hours I've put in haven't bothered me in a physical, practical sense; I still have the time necessary to stay on top of my responsibilities, and I truly enjoy what I do.  But spiritually, I've found that I'm walking a fine line.  One side has me relying on God's time, the other, taking things into my own hands.  One side leads to the love of money itself, the other, recognizing the love of the Provider.  It's a battle between seizing an opportunity and potentially ignoring my calling, willingness to work hard and taking time for holy rest.

Maybe you're not saving for a down payment, but I'd be willing to bet that everyone has a God-given dream that hinges on a bank account balance.  Maybe it's upgrading to a more reliable car.  Maybe it's quitting your job to stay home with your kids.  Maybe it's traveling or getting out of debt or starting a non-profit ministry.  Or maybe you just want to make it to the end of the month without worrying about how you're going to get food on the table.  Whatever your financial dreams, I absolutely encourage you to ask for provision.  But when the opportunities come, don't forget to weigh the costs, pray about your decision, and trust Him regardless of what He says.  Unnecessary busyness is never a part of God's plan for us, and no goal is worth giving up those things that are most important to us.

Wanted

In the nearly two decades since I made the decision to one day adopt children, I've come across hundreds of stories of families who have done just that. Blogs, websites, books, TV shows, YouTube videos... our media-saturated society is certainly not lacking in its ability to advocate for, well, just about anything. But aside from a former student whose mom adopted a baby girl from Russia, I've never been on the inside of one of those stories until recently.

Some very close friends of mine made the decision back in the spring to become foster parents, and have been blessed to care for a 3-month-old baby boy since the day he came home from the hospital. And although I've learned a whole host of things from walking their journey along side of them, what God's really pressing on me involves a story parallel to theirs, yet divinely intertwined.

The precious baby who entered our hearts and lives with a mere five hours' notice also has two older brothers who had been in a different placement up until two weeks ago. When their last foster family could no longer care for them, the boys were placed with a couple who just happens to be friends with many in our church community, including the family caring for their brother. Since we'd already fallen in love with the youngest of these boys, the opportunity to meet the older two was highly anticipated to say the least.

Unlike the arrival of their brother, we knew the older boys were coming for a full week before the transition occurred.  This is nothing at all compared to the years-long wait involved with international adoptions, but God had a lot to teach me even in such a short span of time.  From the moment we heard the news, there were text messages exchanged, prayers said, hugs given, and help offered.  It wasn't just a young couple waiting anxiously; it was an entire community.  And throughout that week, one thought kept running through my mind.... If only those boys could know how much we long for them to be a part of our lives.

It's an easy parallel to make, and one that might seem cliche' to some, but have you ever thought about how much God longs for YOU?  If you grew up in church or have been attending for any length of time, you've heard how He loves you and longs to be in a relationship with you.  There's a big difference, though, in knowing something and living like you believe it.  What would it be like if we lived into the love He offers?  What would we do if we truly believed that His love was without limits?  How would we respond if we knew the love came, not because of anything we did or might do, but simply because we're His?

The day those boys entered their new family was a day to celebrate.  We cried at the sight of their pictures, and we eagerly looked forward to the day we could hold them in our arms.  They were surrounded by love and prayers and support before they ever saw our faces.  They were wanted for no other reason than because they were children of God.

And we, also being His children, are wanted as well... wanted, and longed for, and loved more than we could ever know.