Don't Quit

When a songwriter moves to Nashville, a novelist seeks a publisher, or a singer tries out for American Idol, what's the first piece of advice they always hear?

Don't quit your day job.

Not quite discouraging, but boldly realistic.  Those five words sum up the journey those dream-chasers are about to embark on.  It'll be hard.  Uncertain.  Full of twists and turns.  There will be unexpected highs and unimaginable lows.  They'd better cling to what they have because chances are good that things won't turn out anything at all like they'd hoped.

So why do they bother?  Why do I bother?

What is it about a dream that keeps us moving forward?  For me, it's a reason to get up in the morning.  I've written before about my dream to become a foster/adoptive parent, and waking up with that goal in mind keeps me pressing on, keeps my thoughts and efforts focused somewhere besides myself.  Sure, it's meant working 2-3 jobs at times to be in a place where that's financially possible, but to me it's worth it.  I've dreamed of providing a safe haven for kids in need almost all my life.

Just because it's worth it doesn't mean it's easy, though.  Sometimes, I want to turn down house-sitting gigs and just sleep in my own bed.  I want to splurge on a new car or a vacation.  And I admit it- sometimes I even want to quit.  I want to stop the striving and saving and working towards a goal and just... live for today.  But I know that I can't.  This is the task God's given me, and until I see it through, I have no choice but to stay reliant on Him.  (And let's face it, when this dream does come true?  I'm going to need Him more than I ever have in my life, and yet I can't wait for that time to come!)

That's why I fell in love with a piece of artwork I found at Hobby Lobby that (I thought*) read "Don't quit your dreams."

Don't quit your dreams.  That advice is perhaps even more important than sticking with what's tried and true, isn't it?  After all, it's our dreams that offer us hope and our dreams that keep us at the foot of the cross where we're meant to be. Our day jobs might make us a living, but it's our dreams that give us a life worth living.

*God encouraged me so much through this piece of art that I went back to buy it last night. Imagine my surprise when I realized I'd misread the quote the first time around. Oops! "Don't quit your day dreams" is a nice sentiment as well, but if I'm being honest, I waste a whole lot of time on those, and quitting them might not be such a bad idea. ;)

So, what about you?  What's the dream that keeps you going?

Wanted

In the nearly two decades since I made the decision to one day adopt children, I've come across hundreds of stories of families who have done just that. Blogs, websites, books, TV shows, YouTube videos... our media-saturated society is certainly not lacking in its ability to advocate for, well, just about anything. But aside from a former student whose mom adopted a baby girl from Russia, I've never been on the inside of one of those stories until recently.

Some very close friends of mine made the decision back in the spring to become foster parents, and have been blessed to care for a 3-month-old baby boy since the day he came home from the hospital. And although I've learned a whole host of things from walking their journey along side of them, what God's really pressing on me involves a story parallel to theirs, yet divinely intertwined.

The precious baby who entered our hearts and lives with a mere five hours' notice also has two older brothers who had been in a different placement up until two weeks ago. When their last foster family could no longer care for them, the boys were placed with a couple who just happens to be friends with many in our church community, including the family caring for their brother. Since we'd already fallen in love with the youngest of these boys, the opportunity to meet the older two was highly anticipated to say the least.

Unlike the arrival of their brother, we knew the older boys were coming for a full week before the transition occurred.  This is nothing at all compared to the years-long wait involved with international adoptions, but God had a lot to teach me even in such a short span of time.  From the moment we heard the news, there were text messages exchanged, prayers said, hugs given, and help offered.  It wasn't just a young couple waiting anxiously; it was an entire community.  And throughout that week, one thought kept running through my mind.... If only those boys could know how much we long for them to be a part of our lives.

It's an easy parallel to make, and one that might seem cliche' to some, but have you ever thought about how much God longs for YOU?  If you grew up in church or have been attending for any length of time, you've heard how He loves you and longs to be in a relationship with you.  There's a big difference, though, in knowing something and living like you believe it.  What would it be like if we lived into the love He offers?  What would we do if we truly believed that His love was without limits?  How would we respond if we knew the love came, not because of anything we did or might do, but simply because we're His?

The day those boys entered their new family was a day to celebrate.  We cried at the sight of their pictures, and we eagerly looked forward to the day we could hold them in our arms.  They were surrounded by love and prayers and support before they ever saw our faces.  They were wanted for no other reason than because they were children of God.

And we, also being His children, are wanted as well... wanted, and longed for, and loved more than we could ever know.

Be careful what you pray for...

Aside from the first few posts explaining my reappearance into the writing world, I really wanted to refrain from making this blog a personal journal.  My goal is to give God glory and teach others about Him, not share the details of my everyday life.  But good gracious.... when He decides to move like He did this week, I can't resist the urge to share!

The whole reason I'm not a foster parent yet is because I can't do so in my current living situation.  I love living where I do, but financially, a change just hasn't been possible.  So while fostering and adoption are my long-term goals, the first thing to happen has to be my moving out.  Insert frugality, side jobs, and a hope of getting published here.  My plan (which you know is always exactly how things go) was to save like mad and move out some time in the next one to two years.

Annnd this is where God decided to laugh hysterically.

I received news this week that the people I live with need to sell their house.  In other words, I'm gonna be moving out a whole lot sooner than planned!  At first glance, this seemed to derail my plans in a big way, but after a very anxious 24 hours and numerous talks with God-fearing friends, I came to realize what a huge answer to prayer this is.

• I get to move out.  As scary as this week has been, that IS what I wanted.
• Doors have been opened for financial provision, possibly in more ways than one.
• I got to avoid two very awkward conversations that would have had to take place in the future.
• I also get to avoid two situations that would have been guilt-inducing even though I wasn't doing anything wrong.
• If all goes, ahem, according to plan, I could be caring for a foster child by this time next year.

What's funny is that just two posts ago, I ended by saying something along the lines of "Knowing God, the path won't be that straight.  I'm pretty sure He'll take this small act of obedience and use it to open a door I never saw coming."  And y'all, let me tell you..... I never saw this coming.

Connecting the dots

In hindsight, it probably wasn't a good idea to return to blogging right before a busy week full of commitments.  There's nothing like saying I'm back! and then disappearing... again.

But anyway, I'm here now. :)

I shared in my last post that I have a dream of adopting children and what I believe is a calling to write.  In my mind, the two were never really connected; adoption is what I wanted to do, and writing is what God made me do.  One I've wanted almost my entire life; the other I've had to wrestle with and grow to love.  The way I saw it, mother and writer were simply two of the many roles I felt led to play in this thing called life.

Last spring, however, as I was grappling with the reality that my current situation makes adoption all but impossible, God kept nudging me to, you guessed it...write.  Unfortunately, it's been my habit to do so only when I feel inspired, need to process something, or have an upcoming Sunday school class to prepare for, but this time He wouldn't let it go. In an effort to be obedient and seek direction, I blogged (on a separate site) every day during Lent.  39 posts later, I was still just as clueless as I was when I started.

Fast forward six months to our current small-group study.  We're studying Mark Batterson's The Circle Maker* and talking a lot about our dreams. Once again, I sat there praying God, what do I need to be doing to make this happen?  Wouldn't you know that one word kept popping into my head, the same quiet whisper no matter how many times I asked...

Write.  Write.  Write.

Two days later I sat down for some serious God time.  And in no uncertain terms, He let me know that it was time to get my butt in gear, specifically regarding a discussion guide for A Year of Biblical Womanhood* that I'd started writing for my high school girls, but never got around to finishing.  Let me tell you, I've done more work on that in the last five weeks than I had in the last five months!  I've had people tell me numerous times that I needed to think about publishing my Sunday school curriculum units, and now that God's lit a fire under me, I'm beginning to pursue that as best I can, although at this point it's only involving a lot of editing.

Do I have any idea how writing curriculums relates to adoption?  Nope.  Not a one.  There are some obvious possibilities like publishing and making money and building a side business that could support a family... but knowing God, the path probably won't be that straight.  It's more likely that He'll take this small act of obedience and use it to open a door I've never even considered.  All I know is that I've been given a task, an opportunity.  And even if I don't see a relationship between these two very different things in my heart, it's time to let Him connect the dots. 

My Dream vs. His

As Walt Disney so eloquently put it, A dream is a wish your heart makes.  It begins with a spark in the deepest part of our selves. Some of our dreams begin as we develop certain talents or hobbies- being a famous football player or musician, for example. Other dreams, like that of flying, may simply be the result of our imagination.  Still others are planted early on in our lives and continue to grow until we can't remember a time without such a desire in our hearts.  That's the case with my dream of adopting children.

A calling, on the other hand, doesn't begin with us.  It's like a dream, but it's God's dream. It's picked out specifically by Him, tailored to who He's made us to be, and often times, it'll be something we never expected.  In fact, there's a good chance we'll fight it in the beginning.  We'll think about how unqualified we are, how impossible it will be, and how we just aren't cut out for it.  And that, my friends, is the beauty of a calling.  We aren't qualified, and we aren't cut out for it.  But if we choose obedience in the midst of our fear and doubt, God has an opportunity to receive glory.  

Both dreams and callings are unique to who we are.  I love kids, have a ton of experience with them, and even went to college to learn how to handle them.  My dream of being an adoptive parent surprises absolutely no one; kids are just... what I do.  But I'm more than just a teacher or a soccer-mom-in-training, as someone once called me.  I'm also an incredibly deep thinker.  I'm an avid reader.  I'm passionate about the Bible and love connecting Scripture to everyday life.  Those were the things that led to my call to write.  Was it something I ever wanted to do?  Absolutely not.  But no matter how hard I tried to escape it, I couldn't.  No amount of kicking, screaming, pounding my fists on the desk, and telling God I don't wanna do this! made Him take it back.  

And now... well, now my calling is just as much a part of me as my dreams.  I'll be sharing later in the week how the two are connected, but in the meantime, leave a comment and let us know what your dream or calling is!

A Dream is Born

I can remember the moment like it happened just last week. 

I was roughly 12 years old, and had gone with my mom to visit a neighbor who'd just had a baby. While I cuddled the newborn in a recliner, they sat across the room doing what all moms do when a child comes into the world: they shared their labor stories.  And as a preteen who had only recently learned how babies were made, I sat there intrigued, horrified, and disgusted.  I made a vow right then and there that I was never ever going to put myself through that.  Adoption was always a possibility, and as far as I could tell, it was going to be the only possibility for me.

And although it started out as a silly reaction to a major OMG!!! moment in my young life, the idea of adoption never left my mind.  As I got older and learned about God's heart for orphans, as I witnessed the terrible home lives of some of my students, and as I researched and learned about the great need for foster parents, my resolve was strengthened until I knew without a doubt that this is what I was made for.  Married or single, able to conceive or not... none of that mattered.  I longed to be a mother, and I longed to create a family through the miracle of adoption.

As I entered adulthood, every decision was made with that goal in mind. I read anything I could find on the topic from personal stories to books full of practical advice to state and country laws. I set career goals based on the requirements for single adoptive mothers. I had a plan, and I was well on my way to fulfilling that dream when God threw me a curveball. 

In 2010, He asked me to leave my teaching job- and the paycheck, benefits, and stability that came with it. Everything I'd worked so hard for was gone. Suddenly I found myself wondering where the next rent check was coming from, where I was going to live, and what I was supposed to do with the rest of my life. It was a great soul-searching experience, but it put quite a halt to my almighty Five Year Plan.

The years since have been full of wonder, as in I wonder if I'm still supposed to do this... I wonder if God really is going to make a way... and I wonder if this is in fact His plan. I'm grateful for confirmation that tells me the answer is YES. The many, many details are still unknown to me at this point, but He's let me know that I can't let those things stop me. And I'm finally, slowly, working up the courage to be okay with that.